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1. 


go into the shower.

put the heat as high

as it will go and watch

your skin turn scarlet.

savor the pain.



        [it's the only way you know

        that you're not dead.]



2.


lather your loofah

with too much soap.

scrub your body

as hard as you can.

pretend depression is filth,

and you're simply washing it off.

keep scrubbing.

don't stop until your skin is raw

and red and the tears are warm

and flow without restraint.



        [letting the tears out

        is the only way to keep from drowning.]



3.


sit in the bottom of the shower

and cry as loud as needed.

use the noise to muffle your tears.

try not to feel the sobs

as they rack your body too hard.


        [everything is too goddamn hard.]



4. 


pretend you're ok.

when people ask,

lie and say your fine.


        [know you're not fine.]



5.


when your body is drowning,

try and learn to swim.

know it won't work.

pretend to be ok.


        [everything is a lie.]


6.


try and forget that the world

is a cold, dead place.

try and forget that you're making it worse.


        [and everything you do just makes it worse.]



i honestly dont remember the last time i said that i was ok
and actually meant it. 
Add a Comment:
 
:iconirishfury97:
Irishfury97 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
This was me for the longest time, maybe it still is..either way, great work:)
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you, and i hope things get better. you can always talk to me if theres something bothering you. c:
Reply
:iconwillowthewysp:
WillowTheWysp Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I...I know the feeling
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:(
Reply
:iconwillowthewysp:
WillowTheWysp Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
yeah, I guess it's a little sad
Reply
:icongaaralover1234567:
gaaralover1234567 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
i know how u feel i take antidepressant but it dost work  
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry you can relate :(
I hope it gets a little bit easier soon!!
Reply
:iconspaztomato:
SpazTomato Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

I understand how you feel because I am the same. I act like I am fine but I am not.

 

'I wear a mask of lies,

 so no one can see through my disguise.'

 

~ I repeat this a lot in my mind.

 

Anyway, Stay strong! :)

Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
So do I :/

If you ever want to talk, note me :heart:

You too!! :huggle:
Reply
:iconspaztomato:
SpazTomato Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Heart Thanks I will! Hug emoticon 
Reply
:iconrspbrryjelly:
rspbrryjelly Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
So true, but I feel like I'm cured when I'm around my best friend. I hope you either have someone to help you, or that you find someone. Best wishes. <3 
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :heart:

I feel the same way around my best friend, but the issue is, he's not always around. And sometimes, even when he is, I start to panic and think that I'm bothering him and being to clingy and he'll leave me behind for someone else :/

Ahhh
trust issues xD

And I hope that your best friend keeps curing you, too :)
Reply
:iconrspbrryjelly:
rspbrryjelly Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :) (Smile) Heart 
Reply
:iconlatinforfaithless:
LatinForFaithless Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2013
There's never a "cure" <3
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
we can always hope :)
Reply
:iconarguskos:
arguskos Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I know how you feel, my friend. I suffer, same as you. Gotta say though, that shower technique sounds like something worth trying. Better than my coping methods, anyhow!

Wish I could help you, but we both know better. Keep fighting though. :)
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you :heart: same to you :iconaawplz:
Reply
:iconhermafrodite:
hermafrodite Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
ben there
Reply
:iconmoonlark91:
Moonlark91 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
i know how it feels dear.. oh how i know.. you have a wonderful talent for words by the way
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :heart: If there's anything you want to vent about, feel free to note me :)
Reply
:iconmoonlark91:
Moonlark91 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
and the same goes out to you dear.
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you :iconaawplz:
Reply
:iconmoonlark91:
Moonlark91 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
no prob
Reply
:iconjae10:
Jae10 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ikr :l
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:
Reply
:iconlorrainer:
lorrainer Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Student Digital Artist
i really like your poem:iconsweethugplz:
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you :iconaawplz: i really like your icon xD
Reply
:icon08budokai80:
08budokai80 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013
Very good, I actually feel better after showering :3 (And keep fighting!)
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!! :iconaawplz:
Reply
:icononemidnightrose:
OneMidnightRose Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013
this is lovely written, thank you for sharing this :heart:
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for liking it!! (by the way, your icon is too cute x3)
Reply
:icononemidnightrose:
OneMidnightRose Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013
You're welcome! ^ ^ (lol thanks I thought it was such a silly icon that I loved it XD)
Reply
:iconpereyga:
Pereyga Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Impressive :)
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconpereyga:
Pereyga Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconkimcool6643:
kimcool6643 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013
You bring this upon yourself with the negative thoughts, mate.
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
really, sometimes the negative thoughts can't be helped. they really pop in before you can filter them out. im actually a very positive person, but sometimes things just... for lack of a better term, they just get bad.
Reply
:iconkimcool6643:
kimcool6643 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2013
well of course things get bad, It's called karma. that's what makes life so amazing. It goes up than it goes down, like a roller coaster. and It's in the darkest moments that you find the brightest light!
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
haha, true.
Reply
:iconmendedpixie:
Mendedpixie Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This is so beautiful, and sad, and I really know the situations and feelings expressed in it. Thank you for writing, and being here. :)
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you for enjoying it :heart:
Reply
:iconmendedpixie:
Mendedpixie Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
You're most welcome. :)
Reply
:iconmendedpixie:
Mendedpixie Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
And also, *HUGGLES* Hug Huggle!
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconaawplz:
Reply
:iconmelodygirl74:
Melodygirl74 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is amazing.... just saying
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
also, thanks for the watch!! :la:
Reply
:iconmelodygirl74:
Melodygirl74 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
yur welcome
Reply
:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you!! :love:
Reply
:iconmelodygirl74:
Melodygirl74 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
yur welcome
Reply
:iconrhysivan:
rhysivan Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This piece pulled hard at every feeling I have, and I want you to know that you can get through this. Depression is a struggle, and there are times when it seems like it will never go away, but there is truly always something better to look forward to, whether or not you know it. If nothing else, let your story be the inspiration for someone else who struggles. Prove to the world that you are greater than anything that tries to bring you down, because the truth is that you are.
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